I need to decide what i want from life, do i want my eating disorder to control me for the rest of my life and stop me from achieving my dream of becoming a child nurse?
The answer is no! I look back at old photos and only recently have I realised just i how different i look, just have much healthier i looked and no have gaunt and pale i look :(
But i'm scared, i dont to get big and be the size i was before. The thought of putting on weight is just too scary, i dont want to go back into hospital but i was the only place i could put on weight, as i just cant seem to make myself do it, as i put it off and off , in the hope that it will just go away and everything will be fine!
But i cant keep pushing it aside, i need to face the facts and the sooner the better!
The fact is i'm ill and underweight and my eating disorder is controling me!
I wish i had a normal relatioship with food i really do, i dont see it the way other people do, it should be a joy, an experience, an delight, instead it's a number, a cal,a gram of fat, sugar!